They exploded with answers.“Being in a singles ward sometimes feels like a meat market—like I am competing with everyone for the boy’s attention.I am always wondering if I look good enough or am what boys would want.If I talk to a boy as a friend, he thinks I am flirting with him hoping he will ask me out.”“I know how important it is to choose the right person to marry, and that weighs heavily upon me. It also means dating is a very weighty thing for me, because I know so much of my happiness depends upon it—and it doesn’t seem to be happening.”“I feel worried because I am soon to graduate and I haven’t found anybody.”“I feel like I can’t plan my life because if I move for school or a job to someplace where there aren’t a lot of LDS guys, will I ever meet anyone?Should I stay in Provo to be where there are many guys?
Dating was simply a form of social life, without overly heavy baggage attached.It is about finding someone who loves the Lord and wants to grow with you, because you have already been growing together.The checklist is artificially created and includes qualities one supposes one wants in a spouse.Instead of knowing someone’s heart and mind, it is easy to revert to the checklist. But we human, flawed people are looking for an ideal mannequin.The problem with checklists, too, is that they reflect perfectionism. Marriage is about loving someone else’s very being, about understanding their impulses, about respecting their choices, about having enough shared experiences that you want to continue doing this for an eternity.